Just a thought

Today I tweeted this and couldn't help but expand on it.

My instinct is to choose World Domination but then again I’m not currently PMSing and feeling quite level-headed today. I’m also feeling pretty generous. I can only imagine what I may write if Aunt Flow were camped out on my sofa. This list may have ended up pretty brutal if that were the case.

I would love to think that World Domination would win, but when woman’s hormones are raging some scary things can happen. We lash out at the ones we love and eat strange things in shame. Don’t tell me I’m the only one who does this.

Now, I’m not talking about every woman in the world just every woman on Twitter because we all know that there is a special breed of woman on Twitter. One that is not safe for Facebook.

I had some other thoughts if we (Woman of Twitter) were to all sync up:

• Make every man in America cry like a baby. (This might be wishful thinking on my part)
• The blue whale might implode.
• Chocolate would be trending.
• A lot of tweets that read:

"I don’t have a problem, do YOU have a problem?"

"I’m not tired. I wish people would stop asking me if I’m tired."

"Everyone thinks I'm ugly."

"I’m out of ice cream and the only thing with in reaching distance is the cat."

“_________ can suck it”

“_________ can bite me”

"I’d like to thank Eve for being a weak bitch."

"There aren’t enough punching bags in the world."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"

"My [husband/partner/boyfriend/lover’s] breathing is annoying me."

"If one more person asks me if I'm tired I'm going to strangle kittens."

"Someone tell my mother to stop calling me."

"The dog pissed on the floor and now he is dead."

"I’m getting side-eye from EVERY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD TODAY!

"Out of commission: Too fat to tweet today."

"My [husband/partner/boyfriend/lover] didn't put the toilet seat down and is now no longer breathing. Therefore he is no longer annoying me."

Weekly Confessional

You can call me Captain Nose Whistler.

I never noticed how much my nose whistles until I met Tyrone. He is ever so lovingly quick to whistle back when he hears it. I, of course, do not notice until he starts to whistle and then I know it's happening. I have started to notice it at work. My office is so quiet you can hear every key stroke and soul fading so nose whistling is pretty much hard to ignore. I've tried blowing my nose more but I don't think it helps. I think I'll just write it off to old age and go with it.

Perks to getting older; your crazy ways become more acceptable.


Best regards,

Captain Nose Whistler

As a follow up to last week's confessional this was Tyrone's response when he read it (sooner than I thought he would have no doubt).

I think he still loves me though.

the weekend

Loads of fun, definitely not loads of crap.

We (I) drank the best margaritas Friday night with some friends, slept in, took lots of photos, ate ice cream, finally saw The Kings Speech & True Grit, saw Cowboys and Aliens (it was good), drank slurpees, went grocery shopping, ate cupcakes, did laundry, bought hair dye (finally), worked on something rather silly, played with my nephew, grounded Frederick for getting into the garbage can, and cherished every moment with my sexy husband.

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What's in my bag AND do you even care?

You've probably seen these posts like I have all over Blogolopolous Town and their picture perfect settings with every item of their purse layed out in an even fashion that would make any narcissist happy.

I like these posts don't get me wrong but they're not realistic and we all know this. (forget about the many times I've lied to you on here myself)

Today, August 1st, is what the inside of my bag looks like.

Gum wrappers - because I'm too lazy to throw it in a garbage can yet enviornmentally consciensous enough not to toss it on the street

Drumstick wrapper - same deal here

Orbit gum {spearmint} - my favorite gum in the whole wide world

Pill bottle - for mood swings, neck aches, and your occasional bludgeoning

iPod - for my sanity at work

Phone - kind of strange that this was actually in my purse because it's usually tucked away in my cleavage or plugged into a charger because those piece of shit batteries never last. I don't understand how they can build a phone that does amazing things yet they can't make a battery powerful enough to last more than 8 hours. I don't fucking get it. It's probably a conspiracy.

Notepad - for doodles, ideas, blog topics, DIY posts, and shop inspiration {no joke to insert here}

Ultra fine point Sharpie - for above mentioned items

Wallet - carries the cash I don't have, a debit card with a zero balance and endless punch cards to the coffee shop, thrift store and ice cream shop.

Makeup bag - for the makeup I never put on, nasal spray, allergy eye drops, nail file, clippers, compact mirror, lip gloss and eye glass repair kit of which I'm convined will come in handy in some sort of McGyver way like if I ever get stuck in the elevator at work.

Checkbook - Yes, I'm one of the few who still uses them for some bills.

Coconut oil

Rosebud Salve - aids in healing the bloody wounds on my temples from jabbing pencils in them because of all The Stupid People

iPod wall charger - {no joke to insert here either}

Berts Bees lemon cuticle cream - because cuticles are precious and must be taken care of people

"serenity" pill bottle - full of valerian pills

More lip gloss

Hair ties

Pacifica tuscan blood orange perfume - best smell ever

Receipts

Pink & Gold tampon case - {insert your own joke here}

Cotton Candy sucker Ty bought for me but I have yet to enjoy it - what am I suppose to do suck on it at my desk at work? Um, no. Also, who has time to suck on a fucking sucker? I'm not six. I hear those assholes have all of the time in the world.

Loose Change - which will be gone by this afternoon now that I know I have it

Another fucking list

Glasses - It would be like driving bumper cars on my daily commute if I didn't have them. Second thought maybe I should start leaving them home.

Vintage embroidered coin purse that my mom found for me at the thrift store that was only 75 cents. It matches the purse my brother got for me. I love this thing; the clip works and everything. My mom says they remind her of her grandma.

What kind of tools do you carry in your bag?

Congratulations Kendahl!!

You won!

Yeah so what if she IS my cousin?

A big thanks to the FOUR of you who entered and a HUGE thank you to those of you who filled out the Q&A and provided such awesome feedback. It really does mean a lot and I plan on doing a post answering some of your questions and summarizing what you think about das blog.

{Kendahl, I'll be emailing you shortly-congrats!}