I never want to go back

There's only one thing I can tell you

I never want to go back

I don't want to make up for the loss

or get a do-over

I love where I'm at and all the hurt I've let go

I never want to go back

When I close my eyes I'm not lost

or wallowing in pain

I am tired inside

but for different reasons now

I am not blind by my emotions

I told you,

I never want to go back

zombie haiku

Inspired by The un-mom who does a link up called random tuesdays. I try to participate but I have been way too busy to do so. This is the best I could do.

zombie lurkes

girl distracted

bits of brains scattered on the sidewalk

Weekly Confessional

I am continuing on my quest to post embarrassing poetry I wrote from back in the day. I was definitely 18 when I wrote this because that is how old I was when I had my navel pierced. I thought it was so cool that I had to throw it in a poem, ya know? To mark the day down in history....DUMB!!

Oh, butterfly

so free and high

You use to flutter madly

beneath my navel ring

Now, Look at you

I let you go

Your lovely wings

have spread

So, soar!

HAHahahahahahahah! I can't stop laughing over this one.

Weekly Confessional

Ok so last week's poem wasn't embarrassing enough.  I admit it. I totally chickened out.

I hesitated posting this one so that probably means it's humiliating enough. I wrote this anytime between the ages of 17-19. I was a desperate, desperate, hopeless young girl.

Falling Hard

I'm falling into you

drowning in your deep voice

crumbing at your every smile

I'm falling into you

slipping into your eyes and 

kneeling before you

I'm Falling into you

listening to your gentle whisper

feeling your every touch

I'm falling into you

craving to be near you

sinking into your every thing

I'm blindingly falling into you

-brandy

Weekly Confessional

I did not keep a journal when I was a young person. You know, before I was completely tarnished by time and consumed with bitterness. (The bitterness is subsiding slowly)

I do have a VERY. LARGE. stack of poems that I have accumulated since those tender years. Some of them are very embarrassing probably worse than if I had kept journal entries instead of putting my own sad, adolescent spin on my day-to-day feelings. I am contemplating sharing some of them in my weekly confessionals and some of the not-so-embarrassing ones may pop in from time to time.

When I was young, the thought of writing down what happened every day was very overwhelming and rather boring to me. I just couldn’t do it for more than a day or two. My mind spun so fast when I was young I could not concentrate long enough to write out an entire journal entry.

With the incredibly horrible memory that I have now as an adult sometimes I wish I would have been able to do this.

I would much rather sit and daydream and listen to music or draw or paint. OR many times I would write a poem about it. It was and still very much is a therapeutic way for me to deal with things. Most of the time after I have written about something I feel so much better afterwards. It doesn’t matter if I ever end up sharing it or not. The act of sitting down and writing it out or typing it out really helps me focus.

Wait. That was pretty confusing – how can I sit down and focus on writing a poem and not be able to keep a journal? Journals feel like homework; putting a creative spin on something is easier for me. Go figure.

Ok here we go. I wrote the below poem in 10th grade for an english assignment. It was one of those rare moments as a teenager that I was pretty honest with myself.

I am who I am

I wonder how people can be prejudice

I hear things I don't want to here

I want everyone to see through people's outward appearances

I am who I am

I pretend I like some people

I feel fat

I touch the sky in my dreams

I worry too much about my hair

I cry sometimes for no reason

I am who I am

I understand I am not perfect

I say too much sometimes

I dream of a perfect love

I hope I do everything I want to do before I die

I am who I am

--teenage Brandy (long before the zen master flash was even a thought)

Hahaa!

I got this one in today with 30 minutes to spare.

Read more Weekly Confessionals here.

your entrance was so bright and gander

you charmed us with your lies so tender

you rode in on your faded mare

and played us with your friendly dares

we’re trapped by your presence unable to speak of your essence

for speaking of your desperate state

we forfeit rights to our cognate traits

we’re silenced by fear of losing close bonds

I see you marinate in your pleasure pond

I’d like to send your way my gratitude

I’ve since been forced to check my attitude

I’ve searched inside the man in the mirror

to discover a world less bitter and more clearer

the poison that drips from your right fang

has slowly killed what the blue bird once sang

But your toxic bile has become my antidote

It has not all been a stream of baleful smoke

So I rest here in my probationary holding cell

{to be continued}

Oh, Spring

How you tease us so

Will there be snow?

Rain?

One thing is certain there will be sun

We may still freeze our asses off

But at least the promise of summer lingers

I know that your warmth is near

Pulling out of the parking garage at five

Blinded by the Sun

That sits inconveniently below my visor

I’ll sacrifice my vision for warmer days

If you take away this dreadful snow

like cherry

your love is like cherry ice cream

melting on my lips and thighs tonight

I can hear you singing for him

I’ll dream of you singing to me instead

Come with me some where quiet

and fall asleep on my chest

forget about your dads cares

and come dream with me instead

your love is like cherry ice cream

tastes bitter but mostly it drips sweet

I can hear you pleading for him

I plead for you but you don’t hear me

Settle down with me instead

Forget about other people’s cares

Come care for me, come care for me instead

I plead for you but you don’t hear me

You don’t hear me

Hear me tonight

Our love is like cherry ice cream

like melted cherry ice cream

Plead for me instead

I’ll love you when you can’t love me

la la la love me instead

loooove me instead

-brandy-son zen master flash

To Remember

I am a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

-Times Like These, Foo Fighters

You.

There’s one thing I ask of You.

Don’t lose You.

It’s devastating to let You go.

More than anything I hope You know.

I love You.

Be free from the darkness.

That has a hand on You in this mess.

I will fight to the death.

For You.

And not just because I love You.

-brandysonzenmasterflash

I don’t look to this town for inspiration

No I won’t

I look to the stars

Not the celebrity type

I look to the thoughts in my head

And do my best to trust in them

 

-Brandy-son Zen Master Flash