Phonography & The Bee's Knees

This week's Phonography pic - link up below!

 

I am over here today too - check it out!!

Guest Post Wrap Up

If you missed any of my guest posts from this month you can check them out at any of the below links.

Check out the Creepiest Guy on TV - Dr. OZ by my gal Jenni

Rootbeer Bundt Cake by Angela from Craving Cupcakes

Gorgeous photos from Kristen's inspired Iowa tour!

An Oh Honestly Erin Original Holiday Recipe - you may pee a little while reading this

Read about Anika's different takes on Santa from Pasando - she was my creepy Santa cohort

The last guest post of the month; Read Lil Miss Butterbean's funny letter to Santa!

This month was so much fun and different from what is usually going on around here. I also contributed to a few guest posts myself that I am really proud of.

DIY Holiday Treat Bags
Fourth Day of the Santa Countdown - Creepy Santa

Creepy Santa - come dig into my issues with me

If you want to know why I have issues with Santa keep reading.

This was originally posted over at Anika's blog Pasando on the Fourth Day of the Santa Countdown.

What kind of parent let's their child sit on a stranger's lap and tell said stranger their deepest darkest secrets? Not my mom. Well, let me be more specific. She let us sit on his lap but was standing nearby cocked and loaded.

At this point you're probably already asking yourself, "Who's kid tells Santa their deepest darkest secrets? When did Santa become a therapist?"

Just go along with it.

My mom didn't play the whole Santa Is Real game with us when we were kids. She didn't want us believing that he was real or better yet thinking he was the main reason we center our Christmas traditions around. She always wanted us to know that he was make-believe and I assume didn't want us to be disappointed. She had seen kids she had grown up with really be scarred from it. We were told to play along when friends or cousins talked about believing in him and to NEVER ruin it for them. My brother and I liked to snicker behind our cousins backs when they talked about it like we were superior to them. It was awesome and I'm sure it bonded us eternally. Inside jokes and secrets will do that between siblings. In fact, we still have a bit of a superiority complex but that has nothing to do with us having never believed in Santa. That is a whole other bag of issues that you do not want me to get into.

Some people will read this and just gaff at the idea that my mom could deprive of us something so traditional and harmless. Let's be real here. I happen to believe that it's not Santa that kids get so enthralled with or happy because of during Christmas; it's the damn gifts. It comes down to presents. He brings presents and eats your food. Period. Or so I've heard. And who doesn't love gifts? I love them. Pets love them. Even high society escorts love them.

Just recently I was sitting on a bench in a mall right above where Santa was stationed. I sat there for thirty amusing minutes and watched as each impeccably dressed child was not placed on Santa's lap but yet ripped out of their parents arms and forced on to his lap all while they screamed bloody murder. Nothing could confirm my assumptions more. They like getting gifts not Santa the person.

In our family, as a child we went along with the traditions like the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy but we always knew it was make believe. I think it has made me view holidays in a different way and as an adult I appreciate it now. I hate getting caught up in the media driven aspect of them all. I think it takes the pressure off and I don't think I missed out on anything. I cave under pressure anyways so it's worked out perfectly in my favor. I can just blame it all on my mom if I need to.

Honestly the difference isn't even that major. Knowing of Santa and that he is make believe or a fictional character yet still playing a long with the fantasy aspect that he brings kids gifts and eats their cookies isn't that bad. It's less traumatizing in the long run anyways. At least I think so.

{Send hate mail here:brandysonzenmasterflash@gmail.com}

Cohort Post by lil miss butterbean

If this doesn't make you laugh then I'm not sure we can be friends. Lil miss butterbean is a fairly new blog friend and am very glad we met. I follow her on twitter and she makes me laugh religiously. You should follow her too and go check out her blog - become one of the her swarm, I have!

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i honestly have no idea what the hell i'm doing guest posting over here. i'm not a photographer, nor am i a do-it-yourselfer, so i'm not sure how i fit in here. but don't throw eggs at me just yet. i love this blog, and i am so honored to be guest posting here, and i've been so nervous about it! i've spent the last few weeks trying to decide what to write about, and couldn't come up with one single clever idea.

and then? it hit me. i have yet to send my letter to santa, and seeing as how brandy has a thing for creepy santas, you know he frequents her blog to check out the latest ones she's added to her collection. so why not make my guest post my letter to santa and kill to birds with one stone? but, don't really kill any birds, animal cruelty is no joke.

anyvajazzle, on to my letter to santa.

dear santa, 

i have been really good this year. i've only called the hubs an asshat a total of 27 times. that's 52 less than last year. it's all about progress. i've also improved in the area of road rage. instead of jumping out at traffic lights ready to whip some ass, i just reach out the window and flip people off. i'd say i'm on the right track, wouldn't you?

so, on to what i would like for christmas this year. 

1. shoes, shoes, shoes, and more shoes

seriously santa, a girl can never have enough shoes. or, in my case, boots. you can either bring me a couple or pairs or a gift card. either choice is good.

2. jewelry

since you watch me year 'round to see if i'm being good (you dirty old perv, you!) you know that i'm an addict and my drug of choice is pretty and shiny. earrings, bracelets, big ol' rings, all of it's good. i'm not really all that picky.

3. sunglasses

i cannot live without my sunglasses. they hide the lines that suddenly showed up on my 25th birthday and the luggage that i've been carrying around under my eyes since my daughter was born. anything stylish will do, although i prefer chanel. just an fyi. 

4. hot men

listen, there's no need to wrap these if you don't want to. just position them around my tree topless and it'll be even better than tearing wrapping paper off of their rock hard abs. 

well santa, that's about it. i know my list was a little extravagant last year, so i really simplified this year. i thought about asking for a new range rover, but i thought that would probably be pushing it. although if it isn't? just go on and leave it in the driveway.

i'll be sure and leave a pint of beer and some homemade red velvet cookies out. oh, and i'll have that stripper that you like so well waiting on you. what's her name? candy cane? yeah, i think that's right.

oh, and santa? thanks for the early gift of ryan reynolds and scarlett johansson splitting up. and just a head's up, i want him for christmas next year.

love,

lil miss butterbean

Cohort Post - Anika from Pasando

Hi everyone and thanks to Brandy for letting me write a bit on her fabulous blog.  I feel like I've got a lot to live up to!  You know who else must have that feeling?  Santa.  I was thinking that in the spirit of Christmas I would write a bit about your friend and mine, Mr. Kringle.

There is the Santa I remember fondly

The Santa I grew up with was your average happy, I’m-not-perfect-but-do-over-indulge kind of Santa.  He was thoughtful about the way in which he entered and left things for us in the house and he never gave me coal.  He ate most of the treats left for him and even seemed to have read the notes that were left thanking him.  I remember a unique feeling of excitement I had on the night of Christmas Eve.  That evening,  just after spending time with all the family, having watched some television special full of cheery music I only listened to one time a year, getting into my winter pajamas, sipping my last sip of cocoa/cider, and after being tucked in bed I would really feel that excitement.  I knew that when I woke up all my dreams (material dreams mind you...but I was under 10 years old!) would be answered. My biggest worry that night was how exactly Santa planned on entering the house without a chimney.  I don't know if I ever feel that same type of anticipation to this day.

Things about Santa I chose to ignore

Yes I was little but no, it didn't escape me that there would be some stranger in our house, drinking and eating at our dining table.  Would I hear his big boots?  Would he just make it quick or linger looking around the house?  Sometimes I would wake up throughout the night and be really concerned that he would skip over our house because he knew I was awake.  Or worse, look inside the door to my room and we would catch each other eye to eye!  "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep..."  He was after all psychic, he would know if I peeked.    I never really wanted to catch him in the act or see him at all.  I was just happy with results.  It is magic after all.

The Santa I like to hang out with now

Last night my wonderful husband did the grocery shopping and brought home some goodies.  So what are his bags full of??  Christmas cheer!  How do I tell if my guy is in a festive mood?  He's suckered in by holiday marketing.  There was Santa coffee, Santa beer (yum), Santa cookies and even apple cider!  Santa, you aren't the only one who likes snacks and drinks in the middle of the night!  Thanks to the elves for brewing and baking up such tasty treats for me and the Jewish man in my life!

There are the types of Santas that could still give me nightmares.

I don't enjoy the creepy Santa movies where Santa has a different sort of holiday in mind.  Just gimme a piece of coal if your pissed off at me for being bad!  Please don't axe me in my sleep.  Yes I like scary movies.  No, I don't like Santa in my scary movies.  What can I say??  I have levels too.

Types of Santa's I would never want my child to be alone with

I don't have much appreciation for creepy, leery Santa.  I don't want my child to sit on his lap, I don't want her to inhale his last night at ___ Bar.  It taints the charm of Santa and makes my child come home smelling like a cigarette butt.  I also don’t like making Santa sexy in any way, it’s creepy.  Santa is purposefully non-sexual, let’s keep it that way.

The Santa I will remember

Namely the memories my mother created for me.  There are certain things she did to make me feel the idea of Santa...she did a great job.  Santa should be so lucky to have an elf like my mom!  But her Santa wasn't without his particulars.  For example, did you know that Santa prefers Tab soda and crackers with cheese to milk and cookies?  Maybe that's just a California thing...

So, Merry wishes to all of you no matter what you are celebrating or not celebrating this time of year! Please join me for a 12 days of Santa over at my blog Pasando.  And also thanks to Brandy for writing such a great post for me.  You will love reading about her take on Santa.  It  will make you laugh and smile...nowadays that would be all I would ask for from Santa.  Oh, and that pair of boots I have been eying.

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I appreciate Anika for contributing to my silly blog so much! We've been chorussing over creepy Santa ideas for a bit now. She has such an awesome blog and takes some pretty incredible photographs. You have to stop by her blog and check it out. Her 12 days of Santa has been so much fun so far. Go read it and give her some love! I did a guest post for her as well so be sure to check it out. This past October she did an amazing creepy countdown that blew my socks off!

{Isn't that Santa pic with the two crying kids on his lap classic? He definitely looks like he's had a few too many.}

Thanks again Anika - I hope you get those boots!

DIY Holiday Treat Bags

I did a guest post for Angela over at Craving Cupcakes (original post) a few weeks back and had so much fun putting it together.


I am subscribed to many magazines so they tend to pile up at my house and I have a hard time parting with them. I'm always trying to think up ways to re purpose them before I toss them in the recycle bin. I thought this would be perfect for anyone who wanted to try one of Angela's recipes and needed a cute package to put them in. They make great gift packaging. 



Materials:
One magazine page
Scissors
Glue
Ruler

1. Choose a page that you like and cut it out. This is where you can get creative. I like to pick colorful pages but you could pick a black and white page and adorn it with a colorful tag or bow. 

2. Fold it in half with the outside facing in
3. Measure 1/2 inch in on all sides
4. Fold the inside crease over 1/2 inch and then back again

5. To make a bendable accordion-like crease and then unfold
6. Fold both ends in twice the same size as the middle crease 1/2 inch
7. Take both ends and glue together just the first folds together. This will keep the width you need for the bag that will be just like the opposite side
8. Press and hold for a few minutes

9. Almost done, both ends are open at this point
10. Keeping with the 1/2 inch theme fold up the end you want to be the bottom and glue
11. Keep the other end open
12. Done!

Now you can adorn them with personalized tags from various pages in your magazine. Don't worry about being neat, just keep it creative and use your sloppy handwriting. This keeps it unique.

Once the glue has set and your tags have been added you can start to fill them up. Fill them with any leftover Halloween candy (that's what I did), fresh baked cookies, candy canes or kippered snacks.

There are so many things you can do with this tutorial. You could do it with a vintage children's Christmas book, a dictionary, coloring book or newspaper.

Cohort Post - Oh Honestly Erin

I hesitated before pushing the publish post button on this bad boy. Not because it's bad, but because it's so bad-ass that I may lose all of you to her. Erin, from Oh Honestly Erin is an excellent writer and lensman. She also has the most kick ass kid too. We almost became enemies do to a minor miscommunication from a mental break down on my end. Go check out her stuff NOW!

She has a few Etsy shops too which I totally stalk all Richard Ramirez style.

Thanks Erin for contributing - I am honored to have you!

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An Oh Honestly Erin Original Holiday Recipe

It occurred to me that this is the month of December and I think some people like to do holiday things. Like screaming carols to the homeless, watching Santa porn, "trimming the tree." (We give ours a good hearty Brazilian.) And I know there are people out there who like to scour the Internet for wonderful cookies to bake with their kids, partners, attic-bound hostages.

If you happen to be one of those people, then boy - get a life. I mean, have I got the perfect recipe for you.

Let me break this down for you in Pretentious Food Blog-style, because I want to make sure everyone comprehends every single step. Otherwise, God only knows what you'll have your hands.

1. FIRST, get out some slices of bread and tear it a new asshole. I used some sort of Roman wheat bread bullshit.
2. Pretend like you’re making boobs out of Play-Doh and roll your bread pieces up real good. You can leave the crust on; I did. For some.
3. Next, think of things that taste real good and sweet to you. (Preferably things that are not a part of someone’s anatomy, because I’m not so sure that would bake well and I don’t know any cannibals IRL to call up for advice. Unless Jeffrey Dahmer had a cookbook?)
4. Once you got some sugar plums dancing in your head, rummage through the cabinets and see if you have that shit. In my case, I pulled out the SUGAR, CINNAMON and HONEY. Do not over think it with measuring apparati! JUST DUMP THAT CRAP IN A DIABETIC HEAP.
5. Roll your yeasty ballsacks into it. And now, roll the bread, too. Knead the fuck out of it like it’s the new sexual black dress of 2010. If you have to, think of the last porno you watched. Just get it done. After you scrape the excess with your fingers and do some deep-throating, the bowl might look like this:

(Oh shit, and at some point you should do that pre-heating thing. I wasn’t sure what to set the oven to, so I just cranked it all the way up. Like fast food, bakery edition. I’m unsure what # to make that step, but I have faith that you will persevere. Or have your purse severed.)

6. Splat the accessorized balls onto a COOKIE SHEET. I didn’t do anything to the COOKIE SHEET because I wasn’t sure if I should use butter, oil, or parchment paper, so we went bareback for this one.

It might look like this when you’re done with that:

7. Open the oven after two minutes to see how glorious and glistening your bonne bouche looks. (Oh, I called it that. Out loud. Coupled with kissing noises.)

8. Panic because the cookie sheet is missing from the oven; figure it must have been the basement-dwelling vagrant who thieved it when you were wrenching the knife from your child; realize you never put the cookie sheet in to begin with.

9. Put the cookie sheet in the oven.

10. Take it back out three minutes later because you have no patience.

11. If your teeth involuntarily twinge and ache just from the proximity, and it looks like the vagina of Jabba the Hut’s wife, they are baked.

12. Try to dislodge the confections from the cookie sheet; note that McGyver might want to add baked and unfurled honey into his superglue repertoire.

13. Do not let anyone try and tell you these are just balls of warm bread. They are COOKIES. And if you really want to show off some holiday swerve, jam a fucking candy cane into them and call them Santa's Nard-Kebabs.

Good luck. Maybe Brandy will let me come back and do a DIY post! I can teach you how to make a topper for your Christmas tree that involves:

• the patience to cut a man-hand sized star from a throw-away cooking pan,
• taping it to a McDonald's straw,
• plunging it down onto the top of the tree.

Shit. I guess we didn't need an entire post for that after all.

Guest Post by Kristen from This, That and Then Some

First, let me give you a quick intro: my name is Kristen, I live over here. I have very little artistic talent, but sometimes I like to pretend. Inspired by Brandy-son's Inspiration and Fauxtography posts, I took my camera and headed to get down with my artistic self.

Unfortunately, I don't live in a nice sized city as our lovely hostess does. I live in the middle-of-nowhere northern Iowa. Know what we have here? Corn. Lots and lots of corn, very little landscape, and wind turbines. So, for your viewing pleasure, I present my view of Iowa.

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This guest post was brought to you by Kristen from This, That and Then Some she is one of my favorite blog friends, she is honest and funny and has the coolest color of hair. I am jealous of it because mine will never be that way no matter how much I turn up the brightness or contrast in my photos to make it look more red. Ha! She has a zoo in her house too. Check out her blog! Also, I think that's the first time someone has ever called SLC a big city. We'll take it. These pictures totally inspired me. I'm thinking a trip to Lehi in the Spring when the cows have their babies. Today is also her birthday so head on over to her blog and tell her Happy Birthday!

Thanks Kristen for playing along and for your kind words!

Guest Post by Angela from Craving Cupcakes

I am so excited to finally be posting a recipe that isn't something I faked my way through and pretended to be Martha Stewart the entire time. I totally heart/die/love/go ga-ga over this blog and it's recipes, Craving Cupcakes.

Fellow Utahns! You will love this post since it talks about Root Beer, the nectar of the Gods, so I've heard it called. It's served in every restaurant and probably tops Coke and Pepsi in consumption ratings here too.

Thank Angela!

Enjoy!
Brandy

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Hello! My name is Angela, and I blog over at Craving Cupcakes. I’m really excited to be guest posting for Brandy today. She’s one of my newest blog friends, and I love reading her blog every day. Brandy is so full of talent! For those of you who don’t know me, I’m a 24 year old nanny living in Calgary, Alberta. I’m in love with baking, and I post recipes on my blog once a week.

I recently took the Baked: New Frontiers in Baking recipe book out from the library and fell in love with it. Without even realizing it, I already had baked two things from the book and loved them. So much so that when I noticed that it was on sale on Amazon, along with the second book (Baked Explorations: Classic American Desserts Reinvented), I went ahead and used up my gift cards and ordered them.

One of my favorites was the root beer bundt cake. The boyfriend and I love root beer, and so when I came across this recipe, I was intrigued at the thought of a cake that tastes like pop! I went along with a few of the suggestions on how to improve the recipe, and I was surprised to find that this cake actually tastes like root beer, minus the fizzy bubbles! I just want to point out that as a Canadian, I have never seen root beer concentrate in stores around me. I was lucky enough to have a friend in the States who mailed me a bottle. If you can’t find it around you, it’s worth it to order a small bottle if you love to bake! (Here’s a link to a site where you can buy yourself a bottle.)

Root Beer Bundt CakeAdapted from If You Give A Girl A Cookie (Who adapted it from Baked)

Cake:2 cups root beer (don’t use diet root beer)
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 1/4 cups sugar
1/2 packed brown sugar
2 cups flour
1 1/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp root beer concentrate

1. Preheat oven to 325F. Grease a bundt pan.
2. In a small saucepan over medium heat, heat root beer, cocoa powder and butter until butter is melted. Add sugars and whisk until dissolved. Remove from heat and let cool.
3. Whisk together flour, baking soda and salt.
4. Whisk eggs until lightly beaten, and then whisk them into the cocoa mixture. Gently fold cocoa mixture into the flour mixture.
5. Pour into bundt pan and bake for 35-40 minutes, or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.

Frosting:2 ounces of semi sweet chocolate, melted and cooled
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup root beer
2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 1/2 cups icing sugar

1. Beat butter until smooth. Mix in chocolate, salt and cocoa powder.
2. Slowly beat in icing sugar until incorporated. Mix in root beer.
3. Spread on cooled bundt cake.

Best served with a scoop of vanilla ice cream; it’ll taste just like a root beer float!

Thanks so much for letting me take over your blog today Brandy! I hope you guys will stop by my blog to say hello. Enjoy!