Love Bug Baby Shower

Jax is going to be here soon so we threw Rachel a shower because it's not fair that around here people only give them for their first kid. So dumb!!

I made these MS cookies. Damn her!! Damn her all to hell! These took way too long but they were good. I think the consensus was the pink cookies were better than the chocolate ones. I agreed.

I did another stupid thing and made some heart shaped cookie cutters. That didn't go over well when making the chocolate cookies but they did OK for the pink dough because it was much softer. 

We ate a ton of cheese and drank a lot of soda. I tried to hide in the corner most of the time but that didn't work out very well. I don't mind throwing a party if I don't have to do the actual hostessing part.

 

Jenni's Rockin' Maternity Shoot

{image heavy post, no pun intended}

I knew I wanted to do a maternity photo shoot with my friend Jenni but wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do. One night she texted me and said we should do a Stevie Nicks theme and it turned into a Women of Rock shoot. We tried Stevie Nicks, Janis Joplin, and Joan Jett. We had fun but it was sure hot this day. I felt bad for her because it was way too hot for her to be putting on different clothes and hats and wigs. She's original, different (in a good way) and not like every other mom out there so we wanted to do something unique just for her. Her baby bump isn't quite big enough - she's due in October.

And just for fun (more fun)

 my personal favorite (although the white trash ones are a close second)

Fertility 101

... according to africans and some white people, so I'm learning. All you need is one of these bad boys.

If you follow me on twitter (@Letting_It_Fly) you already know that I received a fertility necklace in the mail from my cousin in Reno. She swears by this thing. She sent it with such a sweet note so I have to give it a try. My mom commented on one of my recent Weekly Confessionals that I would be receiving it soon but that in no way was she going to touch it. I thought she was referring to the "magical" "freaky" "satanic" side as to why she wouldn't touch it knowing her. Turns out she just didn't want to end up with child in her tied tubed state. Silly mom. A frickin miracle no doubt would have to happen.

Back to the story, this necklace was given to my cousin by her grandfather where he picked it up on a trip from Africa. After he gave it to her she got pregnant with twins. Two other friends of hers who borrowed it got pregnant and after she sent it to some other cousins their adoption went through. Sounds pretty convincing enough. She said you don't even have to wear it that just having it in your house will work. It came in a little black pouch and she said it was a bit tarnished because she wasn't about to touch it again. She is so funny. One of those distant relatives you never see but instantly bond with in just the few moments you have together. I'm suppose to send it back when its done its job.

We'll see.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2

a rambling of sorts

Of all the things I've posted about on here the biggest thing that I've had the most comments, emails and questions about is the miscarriages I've had. People have come up to me and to my family members and have asked me about it often. And even when I haven't written anything about it for awhile I'll get an email or message on Facebook out of the blue. Writing about them on here has opened up a different world for me; one where I learn some of people's darkest secrets (although they shouldn't feel that way). I haven't written about it in depth in quite some time. It's been 14 months since my last miscarriage. 14 months ago when our family welcomed Hagen, my nephew, into our lives yet were morning the loss of another. For the most part I've just kind of buried it all. We haven't been actively trying to get pregnant. We don't use any type of birth control either. Never have. I won't get into that one any further.

After the last miscarriage I thought if I started treating my body better it would give me what I wanted but there was something in me that just wouldn't let myself do it. The way I thought I had to be was exercising every day, eating right every day and having sex every day. As fun as that may be to some it's not my idea of fun (although the sex part is pretty fun). I started researching material on ovulation and what not but never really put it into full gear. A part of me didn't want to, another part thought how ridiculous it would be financially to do it when we didn't even know if we could pay our rent at the end of the month. The financial part has been a big struggle for us as well as many other families out there. I thought it was a bit selfish of me so I had to let it go. I just thought if I dived into the things I actually love doing like, spending time with my husband, playing with the dog, cutting shit out of magazines, blogging, cooking, taking pictures and torturing the neighbor kids that it will happen if it's meant to be.

I recently went to the doctor and he is testing me for various things but one of them is my hormone levels; something that neither of the two gynecologists before ever mentioned. The first doctor pretty much shoved us out of the door and wouldn't even look directly at me and the second doctor, whom I still really like, just told me to wait till I had a third miscarriage before they did any testing. And this testing would have been in regards to fertility, not hormones. This current doctor thinks I may have a low progesterone level which can cause miscarriages. The first twelve weeks is when a baby really needs that and if yours is low then you could have a miscarriage. This makes sense right? It sounds good to me. My mom had been nudging me for a long time before I finally decided to give this guy a try. I have an appointment to discuss my test results on Monday.

I will keep you posted. I said I wouldn't keep this in the dark and I don't plan to.

But what if this doesn't work and you have another miscarriage?

Then we'll go from there and I'll just keep writing about it on here.

I'm too old to have kids anyways right? Can they just go ahead and tie my tubes right now just to be safe?

I'll look into it.

Weekly Confessional

One year ago from this month we were going through this crap. It has been lingering hard-core and causing some internal emotional grief. Last year I was laying down on a bench at the truck pulls during the State Fair in pain because I was miscarrying for the second time. I don't want to go to the Fair this year because of it. My nephews birthday is coming up, he'll be one year and I am very happy for that but it's also means it's been another year and we're in the same place. Nothing has changed. We're in the same small place, Tyrone is struggling for work, I'm still at the same shitty job and still no baby. I'm a little happy that the baby thing hasn't worked out, it's just that the emotional turmoil that happened last year has not completely gone away. Even as I type this I am getting emotional because I have not healed all of the way.

Things still suck. We're still taking it day by day. One of these days Tyrone and I are going to pull a Thelma and Louise if something doesn't change.

Derek & Danielle - Follow Up Post

Remember my friends Derek & Danielle that I wrote about a little while back? (check out previous post here) Well they have fantastic news you can read about it here.

Yeay! I am so happy for them!

Derek & Danielle - Adoption Highlight

I want to pause from my regular self-involved posts to highlight a couple that I’ve known for a few years now. They are starting the process of adoption and have asked friends and family to help spread the word.

I use to work with both Derek and Danielle at a well known bank in our state which is where we all met. I remember the day Danielle was hired distinctively. Derek was single at that time and always telling us his funny dating stories and like any single man was always on the look out. One day when Danielle came in for an interview with our boss and as she was leaving, I remember hearing our boss as she yelled over at the teller line towards us, “Hey Derek! I just hired your future wife.” No joke – those were her exact words. Well it wasn’t long before they started secretly dating and not much longer after that the word was out. You can guess it wasn't much longer they were married. Their story is one that so many young Utah County girls dream or are just plain jealous of. You can't write a more terribly cute story. He even wrote a song about here. Did I mention he is a musician too? Well, they have been married now for a few years and have been trying to have a baby with out much luck. I have faith that their adoption process will bring them the baby that was meant to be in their family.

Now you can see from this picture JUST how picture perfect these two towheaded, disgustingly beautiful people are. Wish them luck with me and keep them in your prayers. I know the feeling of wanting to have a baby and the longing to be a mother can be frustrating when it just isn’t going the way you plan.

You can reach them here at their blog. Go check it out! You just have to read what each of them wrote about each other it will make you throw up in your mouth a bit. Who doesn't enjoy a little vomit every now and then? No really it's adorable and I couldn't be happier for them and be more hopeful for them in their journey.

Please reach out to them if you have any information that may help. Thank You!