August 31, 2009



It’s August 31st today.

I am not a happy camper.

Last night I noticed that it is starting to get darker earlier. I get anxiety when the nights start to get shorter. It reminds of being in grade school and dreading to have to go back. I was never the kid who enjoyed school. I didn’t always hate it. I just liked summer the most. I’ve been listening to all of my friends talking about their kids starting school this week and how nervous or happy they are to let them go. It’s been hard to relate to as a mother (seeing as how I am not one) I can only sympathize with the kiddies on this one. Another reason I can’t relate is that I am so far away from that world it’s not even funny. While my friends have kids who are like 6 or 12, we have not even started that process. At times I can be sad over this but mostly I am very happy that I was able to go through my twenties (Wow! That sounds so weird to say) with out having kids. I don’t care that I will be an “older” mom. I won’t have any regrets to look back on. I also won’t (hopefully) think I need to sew any wild oats when I’m in my 40’s or 50’s because I lost out on them in my twenties. I hope I can be a mature yet very “cool” mom who is well grounded.

Tomorrow is going to be September 1st and I can’t believe how fast the summer flew by. Although this is a common statement made by millions of us this time of year I am particularly making a point of it. This summer, so many awesome things happened and some not-so-cool things have happened. The biggest and most awesome of all was getting married. I am so glad to finally have it official and over with. While at the same time we have been dealing with some rough things I can start to see the light peering in on us.

Yesterday we spent some time at my brother and sister-in-laws to see if they needed help with anything before the baby comes. It was cool to see how they’ve set up the nursery and look at all of the cute baby clothes they have for when he arrives. I can’t wait to see how this will change the dynamic of our family. He will be the first grand child. We have only dealt with adult content and dogs as a majority in our family. I think we are both nervous and excited. Nervous of the fact of how we will have to change how many “F” words fly about and out of our dirty mouths and excited as to see how he will look and grow to be as a human (that sounds so technical). In some ways it is still very surreal for us. I have to give props to my sister-in-law because she has been pretty open with her experience and very welcoming to us touching her growing tummy. My mom just loves that she lets her fondle her gut. I on the other hand have had to push through my weirdness about touching others and getting past the idea that it’s just an alien inside (wink-wink) and just going ahead and grabbing it. I have been fortunate to feel him moving inside of her and it is pretty cool. Although last time I tried talking to him and touching her he stopped moving. Either he was trying to pretend he was asleep so that I would leave him alone or he got bored real quick. I can see him already playing tricks on me considering that he is my brother’s offspring. My brother is the biggest tease of all. Of all. OF ALL. OF ALL!!!

Back to the point I was trying to make. Because she hasn’t shied away from the fornication of her gut it has let us all feel apart of the whole process that they are going through. It has definitely changed my mind about some things. I always thought that I would never let anyone touch me while I am pregnant. I think I’ll just limit it to family when the time comes. Strangers who do that shit have BALLS. Seriously what makes people think they can go up to any pregnant woman and lay their filthy hands on them? Back OFF!! It’s too weird.

As you can probably see by now the topic of babies and kids and expanding families have been on my mind a lot lately. I am also going to say (not that I am announcing anything at all) that it has been very nice to be able to discuss this situation as a husband and wife and see where we both land. We are on the same page that is all I will say. And it feels great.

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