Dear Apple

Dear Apple,

Your shiny green skin lures me into purchasing you every week but sadly I have yet to bite into your juicy center. You've been sitting on my desk now for over a week while your friends rot ever so slowly away in my crisper. You're cute and all, but cute doesn't cut it if you're not seductively draped in caramel, chocolate and nuts. I hate to break this to you but this isn't working out between us. I thought switching from your Polynesian friend the Fuji apple would help but I'm afraid you're even more unsatisfactory. However you do provide a bit of arm candy for the office desk so until you begin to show your age and grow mold I'll leave you where you be until that time comes. But know this; you're going in the trash at the first sign of wilting. And next time you decide to pop in my shopping cart bring your friends mentioned above and let's make one hell of time between all of us.

See you next Halloween!

pic taken with my phone

a wee bit of holiday cheer

I'm not a total Scrooge.

I found a little package of ornaments from 1985 (I know the year because it said so on the tags at the junk store). They look like something your grandma would put on her tree. Your grandma, not mine because my grandma uses giant fake birds of prey on her ugly-ass flocked tree. At least she did when I was  kid. I'm telling you the tree was covered in giant white doves and I swear they had red eyes too. They would glare at you. I haven't been to her house during this time of year in quite some time so I'm not sure what the decor is now days at Grandma Lawn Ornaments house. I also found this great vintage bowl - I forget what the style is called.

{The tree lights up and was only ten bucks, but it sadly needs a skirt. I'll get right on that}

For the second year in a row (or does this make three years) I am not putting up my awesome fake, white tree. There is no room in our one bedroom. I need the room for my frequent tantrums - I tend to knock a lot of things down when they occur. Just like last year, in which we celebrated Black Christmas (see post here) I decided to decorate the mantel and leave it at that. This year the theme is Creepy Santa. If you check out last years post you can see last years holiday card too and I tell a short funny story about my brother who was living in Wisconsin at the time. Him and his family are back this year in Utah so you can imagine my parents are going nuts because His Majesty will be around to dribble over.

{Last Year's holiday card framed}

Anyhootandholla - here are some more pics. I found the two creepy Santas this year at the junk store. I was thinking of a good way to go would be me walking down the aisles of Savers and having a heart attack but no one finds me for a few days because I'm buried under a pile of vintage goods that I was carrying. That's one way I fantasize about dying. {sick & twisted}

More to come regarding Creepy Santa. You just wait.

My semi red hair

Obligatory bathroom self portrait. It should be on my Myspace page if I had one. You can see how dark the pony tail is. I'm partially (pun intended) happy after two tries. In four weeks I'm trying again. I will conquer this.

Guest Post on Craving Cupcakes

Please check out my guest post over at the awesome baker Angela's blog Craving Cupcakes. It's a fun, cheap and easy DIY for the holidays.

Check out more DIY projects by clicking on the pic below.

Are we friends in Twitterverse? That's twitter universe if you needed a translation. I just recently changed my twitter handle to Letting_It_Fly

Guest Post - Creepiest Guy on TV

The winner is ... DR OZ!

Please don't tell me you think this guy is normal. He looks like the guy that sits in front of his computer all day with his pants off strolling for underage girls. I'm almost certain I have seen him on "To catch a Predator" No? 

Today I accidentally turned the TV on while his show was on.... I heard him say "erogenous zone" and I threw up in my mouth. I couldn't find the remote fast enough, my skin started crawling with every creepy word he said . EWH! 

I will admit I have seen full episodes of his TV show (Thanks Oprah!) He always call an audience member to come up and help him demonstrate some totally GROSS body function. That poor sucker has no idea she will end up telling the world about her hemorrhoid problem. After he ruins the life of an unsuspecting lady, he moves on to show these little beauties...... 

I Shudder.

DOUBLE SHUDDER 

He tries to scare everyone about "silent killers" I remember a few months ago he had me scared to use my foundation powder. Saying I could inhale it and it could poison my lungs WTF? Is this guy for real?

I cant bear to watch, I fear he is molesting me with his eyes..... MAJOR CREEP FACTOR!

SCREW OFF Dr. OZ

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This guest post was brought to you by Jenni by bestie till death! She makes me laugh on a weekly basis.

Thanks Jenni for your awesome post! I snorted quite frequently while reading it. That video just kills me.