June 2, 2012

wendover & my relentless family

Relentless is so far from a word I am searching for that would appropriately describe my family. Now the mood of this post might come off as me complaining about them and you might be right or you might be far from the truth. I haven't completely come out of my funk that has been looming for the past few months and I'm not about to pretend things are perfect in my life right now. As I type this there is quite literally a dark cloud covering out apartment complex. It came out just as I opened the blinds to get ready to take product photos for The Shop. That dark cloud made me want to crawl in bed and forget it all. I mean just as I was opening the blinds that Fucker had to make an appearance just to piss me the hell off. Well, last weekend was a hard weekend in our household. Mostly financially woes that have forever lingered and probably always will but I just had this feeling to stay in and not do a damn thing for the holiday. That is what felt right to me and not just because I wanted to stay in and cut myself but seriously, going out of town and having to spend money just didn't feel right and we decided to stay home and that was it.
BUT then my family happened and when they want something they don't stop picking at the scab until it bleeds. I was bleeding profusely at the ears when they showed up on my doorstep after many conversation of me explaining to them why I wasn't going to go on any kind of trip with them. Here they were smiling deviant faces ready to reek havoc on my life. Except havoc isn't quite the right word for what they actually did which was clean my entire apartment because it was one of many reasons why I told them we weren't going anywhere for Memorial weekend especially at the last damn minutes. But that is how my family rolls - plan everything at the last minute. Sometimes I can go with the flow with this but my balanced Libra soul doesn't always agree with it in fact sometimes it just sits in my gut and festers until I finally relieve myself of it on the can.
Can you tell I'm still living inside myself lately? I feel like I'm 17 again when I would sit in my bedroom for HOURS upon HOURS listening to music and writing poetry about my dysfunctional young girl feelings.  Instead I'm 33 and listening to Fiona Apple writing this post which I'm sure is coming off more dark than I had planned.
I'm still feeling awkward and confused having my family come over and clean my entire apartment. I mean my brother was standing inside of my shower scrubbing it down like a mad man and he even made my stove look like it had never been used before. You know those silver plate things that go under the burners, well they are shiny like brand new now and they were blacker than black before. I expect this sort of cleaning spree from my OCD mom but my brother? He even had his wife on her knees in front of my toilet and I don't mean in some sort of weird sexual way either. I think she was using q-tips to scrub the corners this was even after I told her not to clean a damn thing because it was not fair she was getting dragged into this shit.

I am so grateful for their love and support, honestly I am. It was very unexpected and just flat out awesome of them.

They were so desperate to go on a trip with the whole family they were willing to clean our shitty ass apartment. So how could we say no after that? I mean let's talk about guilt right? So we had to go somewhere with them there was just no getting out of it now.

This post has become more about my FEELINGS and less about our Wendover trip so it looks like I'm going to have to break this shit up.

Stay tuned....


Ioana-Carmen said...

Hy sweetie! love your blog! wanna follow each other?:X


kendahl said...

That was pretty sweet of them. Especially your brother - I can't believe he cleaned your shower.

mommy said...

i effin lv your guts and thank you for coming on our adventure with us, lv ma