February 22, 2011

Weekly Confessional


I want to be Maury Povich and have my own show where I can totally fuck with dead-beat dads. I asked Tyrone the other day if he thinks that Maury already knows the answer before the show even starts. (I'm sure lots of people wonder about this) He said he thinks so and so do I (I think). Although I'd like to pretend he's as innocent as he says he is and has no idea until he opens that manilla envelope. Can you imagine the power you would feel if you were him and you did in fact know beforehand? That would be SO rad. There is no doubt in my mind that I would take full advantage of the situation and I would do it all in a german accent.

For instance if he wasn't the father I would make remarks towards the child's features and say how much they look alike and give him all sorts of discerning and judgmental looks and ask him if he's going to take care of it if the kid is his. You know all the same shit Maury does except with much more pressure. And then just before I announce that he isn't the father I would bring the kid out and sit it on his lap. Once the kid's lingering aroma started to melt the man's heart for a bit I would break the news. You know just when the guy was starting to let himself bond with the kid. You know the men who already have a handful of bastards that he doesn't care for? (I can use the word bastard because I was one) Those are the guys I would do this to. Because they're the kind that come out and like they're made of solid gold crap and yell and scream and bad mouth a woman who was GOOD ENOUGH TO STICK HIS PENIS IN yet not good enough to have a child with. I'm not sticking up for all of the women who go on this show or get themselves into these situations. They're equally at fault. I just have a little deep-seeded resentment that I'd like to live out on the man-whores out there.


Me The Host: "Christoph, don't you think that little boy's eyes are the same shade of blue as yours? He has the same cleft chin as yours, don'tcha think?" 

Christoph: "Uh, well, I guess it is similar."

Me The Host: "Yes, Yes, I would have to agree and so does this young lady sitting next you. Are you ready for the results?"

Christoph: "Yes, ma'am."

Me The Host: "Christoph, the resulsts are in and I am very pleased to tell you that....You....Are....NOT THE FATHER!!!"

{shoot to Christoph passed out in his lederhosen on the floor next to a weeping young lady}


I wouldn't leave the women the out who can't decide if their baby's daddy was out of eight different men either. They would be just as fun to fuck with.

The job security that he has is incredible. You know people are NEVER going to stop getting themselves into these situations because SEX is just way too good. (with the right person - thought I should clarify that) We've all made our mistakes or had our own whore moments but that doesn't mean we stop ouselves from enjoying other's pain and stupidity which is another reason why his show is JUST WAY TOO GOOD. He'll be doing that show in his nineties and then after that I hope to take over. Or maybe I'll just my own show.

I could easily start one in my neighborhood. Just saying.

Can you tell I've had a lot of time on my hands? Apparently I think of all sorts of delusional ideas when I don't work.

If this one didn't tickle your fancy and missed the one where I confess I want to be a street ad dude, check it out here.

February 21, 2011

Eats - Franklins Flashy Homemade Pinto Bean Veggie Burgers

That title is a mouthful; apropos for a recipe post.



Let me start off by saying there's any easy way to this and it's by using canned beans. It will save you just about an entire days work.

The rather ambitious way of doing this is described below, but it is really worth it. Let me explain that I had all of these ingredients in my kitchen or I would not have made them. I saw different versions of this recipe, mostly done with black beans, but I didn't have black beans so I used what I had.

Something I don't think I mentioned on here is that a short time before Christmas two little elves showed up on our doorstep at 11pm one evening with LITERALLY boxes and bags of groceries. Most of it was what some in Utah call food storage items. It was amazing and so nice of them because we have food for a long time even a few months later we still have so much of it. My only issue with it was that I didn't have room for it all - not an issue really. One of the items that accompanied our large haul was a bag of pinto beans. I was like WTF am I going to do with these? I had made refried beans with them before and knew my mom used them for ham hock and beans but wasn't sure I wanted to cook either one of those.

On our quest to eat healthier - more balanced - I've been trying to cook more vegetarian style meals. Not necessarily vegan (I could never be that hard-core) but cutting out all of the red meat and pork we eat was something I wanted to try. I use the word balanced because there are times when we stuff our faces with sugar, red meat and greasy foods which I know we won't cut out completely but trying some recipes that are less harsh on our bodies during the work week may help balance our diets out.

It has helped Tyrone with his stomach issues and will help me with my pre-diabetic issues.

With that said I wanted to try making these from scratch because I thought it would be masochistically fun. Tyrone helped me out a bunch so that was nice. Back in September I posted our easy black bean burgers that use frozen patties that we eat all of the time. These are much different than those and more fulfilling.


I started the night before and soaked 2 cups of beans in a pot over night in 8 cups of water.

Before cooking, drain and rinse beans after they have soaked.


Right when I got home from work I started cooking the beans in 6 cups of water and let them simmer for 2 hours.

While the beans are simmering you can start roasting your vegetables. The great thing with veggie burgers is that there is no exact way or specific thing that you have to put in them. You can put whatever  veggies in them that you want.



I used carrots, mushrooms and corn with onions and cloves of garlic. Start cooking the vegetables that take the longest to soften like the carrots and garlic for about ten minutes or so and then start adding the rest of the veggies. I drizzled olive oil over mine. In total my veggies took about 40 minutes to roast. I put the corn in last because it didn't take long at all for those to soften. 450 degree oven.

Once they are cooked to your desire you can chop them all up with a knife or put in a food processor like I did. I chopped mine up finely but you can leave them as chunky as you want.


Once the beans are cooked mash them up in a bowl and add 1 egg (or if you want to keep this vegan you can leave the egg out) with some bread crumbs and you can begin to form your patties.

Update: I forgot to mention that this is where you will want to add your seasoning. I put sage, minced onion, parsley, chili powder, sesame seeds, thyme and a bit of garlic powder. You can add whatever seasonings you want. This is such a flexible recipe.



Mine were really sticky and I had to be very careful when frying them in the pan. They come apart easily even with the egg in them. You can add rice to your mixture if you want. I'm going to try this next time.


they're not very pretty but don't let that put  you off


We fixed ours up with tomato, avocado and provolone cheese and mayo and mustard.




They are so good and you don't feel sluggish and tired after eating them. Give them a try!

the weekend

We went to Ikea and bought one of their memory foam mattresses on Saturday. We've been in desperate need of a new mattress for at least two years now. I've been up the last few nights in so much pain from my back. It's been hell. Saturday when we brought it home it was around 4pm or so and we didn't get off of it till Sunday morning. We were like two giddy children on Christmas Day. It's been so nice.


I wore this outfit Saturday and Sunday I won't lie.




Tyrone bought this for me. I use to hate this movie but for some reason it has grown on me in it's cooky way. It might have a little something to do with Mr. Depp.


We ate the best french onion soup.


Found this awesome Brand Beer Holland bottle opener.


Today I'll be watching this and blogging and sewing.

source