June 7, 2011

Weekly Confessional - Losing It, officially

The voices in my head are officially now audible.
 
No more making fun of people I see on the streets talking to themselves. I'm now one of them.
 
I'm thinking of getting a jump on this whole losing my mind situation. The only problem is that I don't know where to start because I am, well, losing my mind.
 
I did warn you all of this a few confessions back.
 
A few things that have my anxious mind working overtime:
 
Disappointed in discovering that Eddie Murphy isn't actually in Dr. Doolittle 3. Note to self; erase from DVR before Saturday. I don't have a DVR.
 
All these Wiener jokes on Twitter only prove how immature everyone on Twitter is. This is exactly why I AM on Twitter. On FB you get a whole spew of mind numbing debates that only make me want to rip out my eyeballs and barbecue them on my George Forman grill. I think they would be good with fry sauce. Although that would negate any reasoning in using the G.Forman since fry sauce is so fattening. I might as well deep fry them. I mean, honestly, if I am going to be digesting my own eye balls then it shouldn't matter how many points Weight Watchers would give it.
 
I am from Utah. We put fry sauce on EVERYTHING. This is a beehive state quality I embrace wholeheartedly.
 
The Weight Watchers commercial stating that to sign up online is free is a bunch of horse shit. I may or may not have looked into this recently. You can sign up but if you forget to enter your credit card information the site really won't do you any good. You have to purchase a three month subscription and THEN it's free, duh!! Leave it to a weight loss institution to re-define the meaning of free. Also, it's not a cheap subscription either. I am cheap which is why I opted against signing up for their "free" service. And I realize that, even while I type this, you all probably already know this and so I give you permission to skip over this part even if it is now too late to do so.
 
Does anyone know of any weight watchers hacking sites? I would totally sign up for some one's site that does exactly what they do but actually offers it for free. It's just counting points, I mean come on. I know I'm not the best at math which is why I need a site to keep track of my points for me, but is it really worth the money? I understand that Jennifer Hudson thinks so, although I'm sure she isn't being paid/bribed/and/or being offered the service for FREE to say so.
 
I was thinking about ruling the world some day but I couldn't think of the right thing to wear so I decided against it. I'm leaning towards something similar to what Wonder Woman wears because I'm all about gold cuffs especially the bullet proof kind.
 
I'd like to start a round table discussion on the grossness that is gelato. It reminds me of zombie pus. And why yes, I do consider myself an expert on the consistency of zombie pus, boogers, and ear wax. (In my manic state I was coherent enough to proofread this sentence and realized that I had typed puss instead of pus which takes on a whole different meaning. I could see getting a comment asking me, "Exactly how do you know what the consistency of a zombie's PUSS is?" Wherein turn I would be forced to make up some sort of strange yet erotic tale of just how familiar I am with a zombie's puss. *I'm really hoping my grandmother catches this post. How proud of me would she be*)
 
So, yeah back to Gelato. Here is my five point presentation (shortened from seven because, well, I really couldn't think of anything else to discredit the gelato empire.) I thought about including a PowerPoint but I didn't want to look like an over-achiever.
 
1. The consistency is awful (if I didn't get it through to you enough already). I don't like the way it hangs round in my mouth like it's getting ready to set up camp.
2. Masquerading as ice cream. Don't be fooled by this. IT"S NOT ICE CREAM.
3.  Back to the consistency, it sort of oozes down your throat like a rather large, green, bloody loogie. Loogies and I do not get along. I don't even like having to hock up my own when I'm sick. I'm throwing up just typing this.
4. I don't have anything against Italians. That's just a point I want to make sure is crystal clear here.
5. Gelato Birthday Cake, Gelato Chocolate Dipped Cone, Gelato Sandwich, Gelato Shake? Those don't even make any sense.
 
I rest my case.
 
Is there anything you would like to add to the discussion? It actually doesn't have to be about gelato either. In fact, you can leave a comment about anything you like...or don't like.
 

3 comments:

Anika said...

Sorry...can't help you out here, i LOVE zombie pus-MmmmmmmMMmmmm!

PS- I like you crazy.

Janet Bocciardi said...

I'm rather fond of all kinds of zombie pus myself. Note: I married an Italian, but he doesn't make me eat it, I just want to.

Kendahl, Stepmom Extraordinaire said...

I love fry sauce. Go figure.

I kinda thought zombies wouldn't have any pus because they're all dried up but still dead and alive. I am officially confused.

I haven't ever tried Gelato, simply because it looks like the texture is going to be horrible. So I'll join you in hating Gelato. DOWN WITH GELATO!!! See, all caps, PLUS three exclamation points! I believe in this cause.