June 28, 2011

Weekly Confessional - zombie blogging

I'm going to get this out there now and admit just typing this is taking some major effort on my part.
I have felt a bit unattached from my blog. I haven't had the heart to be witty, honest, or even post anything at all some days. It comes and goes lately. It may be because my hormones are off again. Go me. Big up to hormones and their awesome nature of purely sucking ass.
Right now I would trade sexes in a heart beat and then try out for the new cast of Jersey Shore.
I haven't wanted to write about this but here it goes. I know I'll feel a tiny bit better when it's over.
I haven't had a menstrual cycle since early April. The first week I was late I thought maybe I was pregnant. I bought a test and it turned out negative. Now, even though I have had irregular cycles in the past I thought for sure I was pregnant because you see I'm not a regular 28 day girl I'm more like a 35 day girl so when I was a week late I was really, really late. Another week went by, bought another test and it was negative as well. Meanwhile I was having no symptoms so underneath it all I knew something wasn't right. My breasts were not sore, I wasn't bloated or super hormonal. In fact I felt great for the most part. It was strange to not even be having any PMS symptoms. Yet, as the third week of not starting had passed, another negative test, and then week number four flew by and my mood was quickly slipping. I finally decided to call the doctor and make an appointment. After asking me a list of questions he looked at me out of the corner of his eye and told me I was a tricky one. Comforting. After an impromptu examination and pap I was about as emotional as I could have been. Because we all know how much fun those examinations are and impromptu ones are even more like a huge tickle fest. A tickle fest amongst strangers where you were just thrown into against your will. A tickle fest where you feel like a prepubescent boy and 65 year old men want to tickle you. Um, no fucking thank you. I quickly text my mom because I was breaking down in the bathroom trying to quickly prepare myself for this. I have had some bad paps in the past so I was not ready to spread eagle with out any sort of back up or moral support. On a normal day I need at least two or three shots of had liquor for these pins to open up. He did make me feel good about the visit and seems to think I am fine. I even got the results of the pap back today and everything is fine. From what he can tell with out getting into fertility testing right now he says I just don't ovulate regularly. Too bad that's sort of an important function in the procreating process. He sent me on my way with a shot of progesterone in my hip and told me to call him in a week. (oh, getting a shot in your hip sucks too - those bitches hurt)
It's finally been a week since the shot and I have FINALLY started again but I have yet to call him back. Calling on things like this and making appointments are NOT MY STRONG SUIT. I hate it to say the least. He's also going to have me try another progesterone pill to see if it helps. I'm crossing my fingers.
And that's sort of that. I've had a nice time this last week with Tyrone and all of his birthday activities. Work hasn't been too much of a headache either. I just haven't felt like blogging or even working on my shop. The entire time I had off a few weeks ago I didn't do a damn thing on my shop which made me sad yet indifferent at the same time. I don't know how that works but right now I'm both sad and indifferent about a lot of things. Searching the classifieds for a new puppy hasn't helped any either. I need something to mother. Frederick is all grown up now. He can practically take care of himself. I mean, he never eats so he never has to go to bathroom. It works itself out. Let's hope my hormones do the same thing and work themselves out if not just to have a baby but for mine and Tyrone's sanity IF ANYTHING.


Vapid Vixen said...

Oh, Brandy, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I think most of us have been there. Like even the most stubborn of kidney stones, it may be painful for awhile but it will pass. You’ve been through this before so you already know this. I think you’re awesome and I’m glad you’re still blogging even if your hearts not in it at the moment.

Kendahl, Stepmom Extraordinaire said...

I'm sorry you're going through all this! You can take my cat on the weekends if you want, but I'm warning you, he's 85% Devil and 15% leopard, which all in all means he's batshit crazy. Let me know if there's anything at all I can do to help. And yes, shots in the hip do suck quite a bit. :(

Kristen said...

Very sorry to hear about everything. I hope it all goes/turns out the way you'd like.

Never had a shot in the hip, but the idea makes me cringe.

I've been pretty non-bloggy lately too. Mostly because the only thought that's been coming to my mind lately is, "I hate people." (A very general, non-friend "people")

Sending all the happy thoughts I can muster your direction (in a completely non-creepy way, I assure you).

Angela said...

I'm sorry that you've had so much on your plate lately! I can imagine how rough it can be, so just know that I'm here if you ever need to chat.

yo madda said...

i forgot to tell our cousin Missy said she is mailing you her African fertility necklace, she said when she had it she got pregnant with twins, so when it comes you can come get it,cuz im not touching it,hehe

yo madda said...

i forgot to tell our cousin Missy said she is mailing you her African fertility necklace, she said when she had it she got pregnant with twins, so when it comes you can come get it,cuz im not touching it,hehe

brandy-son Zen master flash said...

Of course you won't touch it...ha! I'm seriously dying with laughter over here. I can't wait to get it.

Erin said...

Seriously wish I could hug you for real, even though neither of us are huggers!

That's a lot to be going through. I'm pulling for you, lady! If you ever wanna talk about things, shoot me an email. Or text or call! 412-638-2379.

Anika said...

emailing you...i don't want to get all fresh and fancy on your blog ;)