November 16, 2010

"I'm going to to need to get back to you on this"

I had an interesting conversation today. A friend comes up to me and tells me a story about how their friend just asked his girlfriend to marry him and she told him she needed to think about it.
This "buddy" of mine proceeds to say two very ignorant things: "What a Bitch!! Huh?" and "She must be a lesbian."
My initial reaction was Oh snap! That's actually kind of funny she responded that way. But then after the Bitch remark I was like wait, so because she responded honestly that makes her a Bitch? Then before I could make my argument the lesbian remark came flying out of their mouth.
I paused for maybe two seconds to control my urge to chuck my stapler at his head. Yes, I said HIS head. Is it really a surprise that this came from a male?
First of all, good for her for responding the way she did. More people need to think about such a HUGE decision. Honestly, I wish I would have had the cojones to say, "Let me think about it and I'll have my assistant get back to you." the first time I was proposed to. I probably would have saved myself, him and both of our families some heartache.
Secondly, and this one doesn't even deserve any justice, but saying that she must be a lesbian because she didn't jump at the opportunity to marry some arrogant sports loving male who would "take care of her" for the rest of her life. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? That's what I wanted to say to this person so bad. Instead I actually kept my smart ass mouth some-what shut and felt a little insulted about it all. I tried debating with him momentarily but kept turning back to my computer thinking how NOT WORTH IT getting in to it with someone this ignorant is. Ignorant isn't even the right word to describe this situation.
Single ladies, if you're ever proposed to and you have even the tiniest thought that you may not want to say yes, go with your gut and ask them "Can I have a few days to sit on this?" Whom ever made the rule that there is only two acceptable answers to this question is a moron. But if you do have doubt and lack the strength to ask for some time to think about it then say NO. Don't every say yes because you feel bad for or even obligated to the poor schlep on his knee in front of you. That moment becomes a small piece in the lives of those who have been married for years. If you have to "ruin" it by asking for some time, it will be worth it in the long run. Besides, any man who proposes with out already knowing what answer he is going to receive is a self-involved idiot. The fantasy of a magical surprise proposal sets us up for a long tough road ahead. Let it go and embrace reality. These things should be discussed beforehand and I'm not talking about when it gets brought up when one or both of you have had too much to drink.
I'm actually thinking of seeking this girl out and giving her a big hug for every single lady out there.
[Can you tell I wrote this in a bit of a rage?]


Kristen said...

You go girl! Your advice should be printed on t-shirts! Why are some men such idiots!?

I've always been a little iffy about the whole surprise proposal thing. I wasn't actually proposed to. I told Nathan he could ask, but not until after we discussed it and decided together.

brandy-son Zen master flash said...

So glad you agree Kristen! I think I will coin this, ha!

I think you did it the smart way. It's so much more important to be realistic about things. The fantasy is nice don't get me wrong but it's NEVER how things turn out.