February 5, 2012

Kicking black ashes around with each step

I had a spiritual experience at work the other day. In a place filled with darkness I experienced some much needed light. You can imagine how much this threw me off, yet I was left on the verge of tears and full of hope. Finally. A little bit of hope. Some warmth for a cold corpse. The dryness had begun to crack. Winter had nearly choked away any sign of life. Walking through an empty city kicking black ashes around with each step. There was little shine left to my gold Toms. With no ear to whisper in or color to see, just various shades of blur. Touch is a faded memory and mirrors have become unnecessary. Even the colorful mood board on my desk was failing at the job at which it was intended. I’d look at the faces of each memory and felt nothing. I hated it. That made me feel even worse. The darkness of this place was taking a much deeper effect now. It was getting harder and harder to deflect the iniquity away.

A few words from a prodigious source had soothed and even began to heal. I was so surprised I could barely walk back to my desk. Thankfulness wasn’t worthy enough of an expression. I wanted to reach out and grab those words and drown them in my pale arms. Projecting my joy in their direction was near impossible to control. I could feel myself sobbing and smiling and jumping all around. But still I stood there almost frozen. Rolling what just happened through my skull and even still resisting the urge to, dare I say hug this person? I knew immediately these words were not their own that they came from a greater place with more light than I could ever begin to unravel.

I walked back to my desk and the things I looked at began to focus a little clearer. I sat down at my desk and it lit up in the middle of the gray atmosphere. I felt a little warmer and the condensation left on my heart was making me happy. I was hovering above the dim on a planet of hope and even though the starts were still sparkling in the distance I knew I would be bracing one someday.


{a little something from inside}

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

its nice to see inside u, thanks