July 19, 2011

Weekly Confessional

Summer doesn't have to be about blueberry picking, old timey picnics (I don't know anyone who does this - I just made it up) and running through sprinklers. Although, I do love me some sprinkler time.
It can be about ghost stories too.
I have the Ghost Radar Classic app on my phone. Do I think that it works? I doubt it. Why do I have it? Well, the night of Tyrone's birthday I'm not sure what started the conversation but my brother-in-law was talking about how he has a similar app on his iPhone and that he's used it a few times. Well, me having an inquisitive interest in this stuff I downloaded my very own app as quickly as possible. I was like a kid running as fast as I could after the ice cream truck yet the truck is being driven by murderous clowns and I'm the dumb little kid who doesn't see that I'm about to be bludgeoned. I don't remember who brought it up but we ended up in my parent's basement with both of our apps blinking away. We ended up in the coal room. Their house is old. I don't know how old other than I remember when we moved in over twenty years ago some people mentioned that it was about 100 years or so. The coal room was used to store the coal (duh!) that heated the house. This room sucks, okay? It's the darkest, creepiest room in my parents house and I HATE IT. HATE IT! I always have. I've probably stepped foot in it three times EVER and number three was this night.
When I was young I use to have a playroom in the basement of which I usually ran to from the old scary staircase that use to be in the kitchen, through the laundry room and one other room to get to my playroom which was in the very back corner. Now days their staircase is even scarier (and very much against code) but it's in the closet of the guest room and is rarely used. I remember running from the staircase to the playroom many times. I guess I always thought that if I just hurried to the playroom nothing could snatch me up and I would be in a safe spot where my barbies and cabbage patch doll was.
The coal room was always black and dark. The walls had old coal soot on them but they don't anymore. It's still dark but mom has cleaned it up a few times and swears that the room is just fine.
I caved in and lead my BIL, my nephew and Tyrone down the scary basement stairs and to the coal room. I pointed towards the room and made them go ahead of me. I was not about to go in there first. Once we were all in there we turned our apps on and watched as the lights blinked across our screens. This lasted only a few seconds until THEY STARTED TALKING TO the ghosts trying to coax them out. Out of what? I have no fucking clue because I was out of there as fast as I could run up those damn stairs. I'm not about to talk to some ghost that may or may not be in there. I don't mind staring at some stupid blinking machine and having it tell me there is a ghost nearby but striking up a fucking conversation with one is not about to happen. The main reason may be because I'm a major chicken shit but I also want to maintain some sort of distance if anyone has ever asked me if I tried to talk to a ghost before. I will always be able to say, "HELL NO. I'm not an idiot."
My BIL & nephew swear they caught some activity after I had ran out but how reliable is a smart phone app really? I'll take their word for it regardless because it just confirms my suspicions that something is not okay with that room. We also decided to try it in the shed in their back yard with all of the lights off but we got nothing. I've never felt that funny feeling in the shed in my entire life like I have in the coal room so I wasn't the least bit surprised.
My brother gets the same feeling as I do down there. In fact he's much more of a chicken shit than I am.
One day we decided to play a trick on my brother and his wife. Tyrone use to have this ring tone on his phone that sounded like a little girl's voice saying mommy in a scary, echo-y, sort of way and it started off really quiet and got progressively louder the longer you let it play. It was pretty annoying and sounded just like something from a scary movie that would give you nightmares. Anyways, one day we decided to call my brother and his wife over and Tyrone had went down in the basement to put his phone in the vent duct so that the sound would carry up through the living room vent that was on the floor. My mom was even in on it so they had no choice to fall for it. We would ask them if they could hear a voice and when it was really quiet they would hear "Maaaaawwwwwwwmmmmmyyy, Maaaaawwwwwwmmmmmy, Maaaawwwwwnnnnny". I think at one point Tyrone even got my brother to go down stairs with him to check it out of which they both came running back up the stairs after a few minutes. The looks on their faces were priceless. Them looking at each other perplexed. Them looking back at us waiting for one of us to say something. Us performing our best acting skills that we had and never cracking too soon.
The story gets a little foggy for me at this point because I have the worst memory and can't really tell a story worth shit. You're lucky we're not sitting around a fire telling ghost stories because I would have botched this one twenty times over already. I suck at telling jokes too but that's not the point right now. We did eventually crack and confessed out evil ways. They were not pleased with us.
Needless to say my brother and his wife are still very much upset about this little prank to this day which brings me and Tyrone a whole lot of joy because isn't that what pranks are all about? You want your victim to fall for it.
I've thought about deleting the app because I sort of feel silly having it but some reason I don't. I guess you never know when it may come in handy.


Janet Bocciardi said...

I got the willies just reading your story of that basement room! I'm afraid of tarot cards, oiaji boards... would never put that app on my phone! I figure that's just inviting something scary (evil?) into your life. However, I love scary movies and going on ghost tours of towns that have them, because the tour guide is always the best story teller. The Winchester Mystery house in San Jose is awesome that way... oh I feel a post coming on.... : ) Seriously - are you going to ever turn that app on?

brandy-son Zen master flash said...

i sort of agree with you on the inviting them in theory which is the real reason i almost deleted it

Kendahl, Stepmom Extraordinaire said...

Dude, your house is old. I wouldn't be surprised if there are creepies in the coal room. I used to live in a haunted house and it was scary as shit!

Anika said...

AAAaaahahahahaHAHAHA! That is hilarious! Love that you played a little fun with the ring tone...why else does that ring tone even exist?? There isn't another good reason really is there??

PS-sprinklers, check. picnic, check. Going to pick blueberries this weekend. I don't know anyone else besides me who can check if off the list and I probably would still not have checked all those things off a summer list if it weren't for the daughter. My list of things to do have evolved a bit. But now you can say you DO know some whacko who has done all those things ;)

Jennikunz said...

your moms house IS haunted! I am a believer. Tht basement is freking scary. I would never go downthere alone. EVER.

brandy-son Zen master flash said...

I'll only go down there alone during the day but I stick to two rooms that's it and then I run up the stairs really fast when I'm done.